Sea Day 4 - Last Day of The Cruise!

I think my body has finally adjusted to the constant diet of alcohol. I didn't feel much of a hang over, but I'm also not sure that's a good thing. We woke up, and decided today was going to be a stay-in day. The temperature outside was falling rapidly and it was getting colder as each hour passed. For most of the day, Sam and I stayed in our cabin and watched the DVDs I had brought along. After a few hours we became restless, and set off to find some food. 

We went to the diner place, and saw it was very crowded. We put in an order and took it back to the stateroom.

After we ate, we watched a few more DVDs, then walked around the ship. We found our way back to the bridge viewing area. They had computer panels that displayed everything one would need to know about the ship, including its heading and speed.

If only I could read maritime...

A panel next to the one pictured above showed something curious. I don't know Sailor-speak, BUT THIS KINDA LOOKS LIKE WE VEERED OFF-COURSE!

WE GONNA DIE SAVE ME FIRST.

Then we saw some bridge officers doing stuff!

Not... doing too much... DON'T WORK TOO HARD, BOYS.

Look! Pictures of our command crew!

They should've hired a headshot photographer...

From the bridge we made our way up to the gym. Then laughed at everyone who was actually using it.

At least they had a nice view.

We had made reservations at the churrascaria, a Brazilian-style steakhouse.

Fifteen or twenty bucks for ENDLESS FOOD.

This was the type of restaurant where they had a million different kinds of meat on skewers, and as long as the card on your table had its green side up, THE MEAT WOULD KEEP COMING.

I started slow... but I refused to take a picture of what my plate looked like afterward... ... like the Elephant Graveyard lemme just say...

After dinner, we grabbed a beer and enjoyed a sketch-comedy show in the Spinnaker Lounge.

They were actually hilarious. Great performances!

Then Sam and I turned in early. It was our last night on the ship, and we had to be off by 9 am the next morning. We packed, got everything together, and tried to get some shut eye. I was sad to be leaving, and in the middle of the night, I woke up and peeked outside. It was snowing...

If that doesn't depress you, I'm not sure what would.

We woke up around 8 am. Disembarkation from the ship was relatively painless. It was mostly just standing in a long line for about a half hour. We brought our suitcases with us, so we went directly through customs and out onto the New York City street. We were home. 

WHAT AN ADVENTURE! I would absolutely recommend cruising to anyone who is interested. It's a great way to meet new people and experience new things, especially on the cheap. My only reservation is that since you're only in port for a few hours, you don't really get to fully immerse yourself in the places you visit. You preview them. But if that doesn't bother you, then it's absolutely worth it. It's also nice to stay in one hotel yet still be traveling. If I were to do another cruise, I think I would do an Alaskan cruise. YEAH!!! WHAT A GREAT IDEA! Until next time, my mufflewumps!

Sea Day 3 - Sushi, Blood Diamonds & A White Party

Hangovers be damned. I woke up and I swear my head was fifty pounds heavier. In my drunken stupor the previous night, I had made plans to get sushi for lunch. Oddly enough, it was exactly what I needed to cure the post-drinking blues.

The sushi restaurant wasn't included, but the meal pictured above was eight bucks... including tip. WHAT.

After lunch, I climbed one of the main staircases to explore the pool deck. We were returning to New York and its eternal winter, so I wanted to get as much sunshine as possible. Along the way, I passed what will be my future wedding ring.

I only accept wedding rings that are made from gold and blood diamonds.

Once I got to the pool deck, a strange activity was taking place. The cruise director introduced and MC'ed a contest in which volunteer (blackmailed) women would compete against each other for the title of... THE MOST MUSCULAR WOMAN ON THE SHIP. They rounded up a few male judges, and a parade of women flexed in front of them. In the end, the judges chose a winner. I forgot what the prize was...

Oh, I remember now, it was pure unadulterated shame.

Suddenly, I had a recollection of the highest deck on the ship. It was there that they had those massive wicker couches. I hadn't visited the area during normal hours, so I dragged Sam up there with me. It was later on in the day, so it wasn't too crowded, and there was one couch left.

Sam took it, soiled it, and claimed it as his own.

They were so comfortable...

I quickly dozed off and woke up in a puddle of my own drool. I mean... rain.

It was a beautiful day. There were only a few clouds in the sky. It wasn't too hot, either. The sea breeze helped cool me down.

Now if only I could get my hands on a Sea Breeze cocktail...

Once the sun set, Sam and I returned to our stateroom. We had dinner reservations at the French restaurant on board, and right after that we had to meet friends at the infamous White Party. Since we had to dress up for the restaurant, we decided to just pull a one-outfit-wonder.

I call this, the Jerry Seinfeld.

We made our way to the restaurant, fittingly called Le Bistro. It was where we had our wine tasting a few days earlier. For one set additional price, I think it was twenty or twenty five bucks, we received a three course meal. For my appetizer, I chose the scallops.

They were incredible. Perfectly seared... oh man... I'm so hungry thinking about it...

For my main course I got the coq au vin, basically chicken braised in wine and crap and veggies.

I have to say, it was one of the best things I've EVER eaten. Perfectly seasoned... I actually couldn't stop eating it.

Then for dessert, my single most favorite thing in the whole world, CREME BRULEE!!!!

And it came with this little fruit cup and adorable biscuit I just wanted to hug it and squeeze it!

We were stuffed from dinner. BUT NOW IT WAS TIME TO DANCE. DANCE! DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY, MY FLAMENCO DANDELIONS OF DESTRUCTION!

And dance we did... dance. we. did. Then I went to sleep somewhere.

Port 4- Dominican Republic: Rain Forest Hike&Swimming In a Waterfall

My alarm went off. I woke up, showered, and got dressed. We had arrived in Samana, Dominican Republic. I opened the curtains, looked outside, and saw this above-average view...

Damn, dey done got a big ol' Central Park, too!

I had never been to the DR, and I was very excited to step foot in a new country. While straining my eyes to see if any dinosaurs would appear, I heard some strange noises from below. They were lowering the lifeboats!!

Hey! I need that for living!

Turns out they were our taxis. Samana was not equipped with a large enough dock to accommodate our ship. The Gem had to park (park? dock? buoy? I dunno whatever.) a significant distance from the shore. Sam and I ate a light breakfast, and made our way down to Deck 4 to transfer to the lifeboats/water taxis.

Even though it wasn't even 8am yet, there was a large amount of people waiting to go ashore.

We chose our seats randomly. Big mistake.

The boats were hot and stuffy with very little ventilation.

The journey from the ship to land seemed to take forever. The boat was crowded but no one spoke. Sometimes, the exhaust from the engines would float inside. That, on top of the heat, made it difficult to breathe.

A very interesting, yet fitting start to our day.

Once we landed, we followed the crowd on to a boardwalk area next to a large four-lane road. We easily spotted our tour. A strange little man ushered us on to the open air bus...truck? I felt a little dizzy and hot so I snagged a selfie to capture my mood.

Stillllll lookin' like a douche. I STILL GOT IT. Yeah.

The truck/bus started. It was diesel fueled. As we drove through town, the strange little tour guide man gave us a brief history of the country. ... I think... To be honest, I have no idea what he said... about anything. He seemed really friendly though! He was sort of like a crazy grandpa. I wanted to put him in my pocket and take him home to Bruce and Jan and we would raise him like our very own.

This is a church with some kind of significance. From what I could tell, during hurricanes people would seek shelter here. Maybe?

Then we passed by this spooky cemetery. All of the bodies were buried above ground. It was very New Orleans style. I would pee myself if I had to walk by this at night.

It's like a little village... OF DEAD PEOPLE AND POTENTIAL ZOMBIES.

Then we passed by a guy walking his donkey!

Hiya, neighbor!

We continued our drive through town. After about fifteen minutes, all buildings and homes disappeared. We were driving up a mountain. Soon, the paved roads had vanished as well, and were replaced by dirt and gravel.

It was a hot and humid day. There was barely any breeze at all. After about fifteen minutes, the truck/bus pulled into a steep driveway. It was so steep I thought the truck/bus would tumble forward. We had stopped at a rest stop. Our guide instructed us to use the restrooms here if we needed to. There were also souvenirs available for purchase. Sam bought a box of cigars.

And did a fairly accurate impersonation of a drug lord.

Then I saw they were giving out some fruits and snacks. I grabbed some sugarcane!

I LOVE SUGARCANE SO MUCH MORE THAN ANY OF MY FUTURE CHILDREN.

After the restroom break, we boarded the truck/bus again. It drove even further up the mountain. The terrain got more perilous as each minute passed.

Though you can't really tell in the above video, we were driving straight down. Then straight up. It was a little nerve-wracking, I gotta say. The truck/bus then made a turn and drove down another road... though it was more of a grass path than a road. It pulled to the side and stopped. We had reached our destination.

The sun was so bright and the air so clean and fresh. I started coughing from the lack of smog.

We left the truck/bus and were led by our Strange Grandpa and several other young men in blue shirts along a path into the forest.

We were with at least twenty other people. If it were a smaller group I might suspect they were going to butcher us.

The rainforest was so serene. The only noises were our footsteps and an occasional bird chirp.

SHADDAP BIRD YOU'RE RUINING MY MOMENT OF MEDITATION

I looked up to see the sunlight shining through the leaves and branches.

IT'S BLINDING ME WITH BEAUTY. AAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHH

While we walked, our guides would find various local resources, such as ginger, cilantro, roots that smelled like lemon, and even cocoa beans. I took one and ate it.

It was surprisingly sweet and fruity. It didn't taste anything like chocolate though.

Then we could hear the trickling of water, and passed by a small cascade.

I was so overcome with sheer joy and tranquility I made Sam take a pic.

Or maybe I was sad and constipated. Or maybe they're all interchangeable?

We walked along the path that ran parallel to a large stream. The path had guardrails of bamboo.

WHAT IS THIS, ASIA!?

We encountered a couple more trickling cascades.

I just can't get over how FRIGGIN' GORGEOUS AND PEACEFUL THEY ARE.

It made me wonder where this stream would end, and if we would see its end.

In the Lost World, maybe?

We then crossed a bridge made of bamboo and dirt.

Do you have a permit for this bridge?

Sam and I reached the other side without it collapsing. Great. We continued to walk until we came to a waterfall. The stream slid over the rocks and effortlessly fell into a small pool. We were told the pool was great for swimming. I changed into my bathing suit and gently waded into the water. It was very cold. But on this hot and humid day, it felt refreshing.

I mean, how could you NOT be tempted to jump in?

I swam around, and noticed the guides and a few other people were climbing onto the rocks at the bottom of the waterfall. There, they would jump into the water. It looked exhilarating.

It was something I knew I shouldn't do, but would regret it if I didn't.

I climbed onto the rocks. They were slippery and the falling water didn't help maintain my footing.

This here I call the "What the shit am I doing?" look.

Somehow, I was able to struggle through it. I carefully made each step. I wouldn't move forward unless I knew I was balanced securely. In the final moment, I had to go on all fours just to make sure I wouldn't slip.

SLIP AND DIE AND BLEED EVERYWHERE AND THEN GET EATEN BY RAPTORS.

I got on the rock and jumped in. It was amazing. I felt like a true adventurer!

After a while, Strange Grandpa said it was time to go back to the truck/bus. I got out and dried myself off with a towel I had brought along. Once everyone had all their crap together, we began walking. Then we passed areas teeming with bamboo. The plants, unrestricted by civilization, towered above us.

I WANNA CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON THAT SHIT.

Then I took a picture of Sam getting his picture taken in front of it.

Sam towers above me. He is like an ant to this bamboo. THEY SHALL CRUSH HIM.

We walked along the side of the mountain, and got a stunning view of the landscape around us.

I'M LOST.

Near the lake at the bottom of a hill, we saw a horse getting chased by a dog. I... don't really know why. It seemed like they were trying to chase it away... or capture it... neither objective seemed to be getting achieved any time soon.

The horse just kept running around in circles.

We walked down another path to a clearing. There, to our left, was our truck/bus. We got onboard and Strange Grandpa informed us that we had one more stop before returning to the ship. He was taking us back to the rest area. Turns out, the rest area was also a working plantation.

WITH GEICO SPONSORSHIP!?

Then Strange Grandpa took us on a tour of all the different products they grow locally.

Like Bananas! Big bananas... real big...

Sugar cane! Mmmm full of sssooommmmuuchhhsuugggaaarrr

Root vegetables! ... or weeds. I can't remember which. Maybe both.

Coffee beans! Covered in spider webs! Yay!

Wtf? Truffula flowers? IS THE LORAX NEARBY!??! 

After Strange Grandpa concluded the tour, we went back to the rest area and tried some more locally produced fruits and booze. I got a shot of a drink that was similar to sangria, but it also had a few herbs in it as well.

Delicious! And strong... 

We hung out at the rest area for what seemed like a really long time. Strange Grandpa disappeared for a while, and we just kinda... sat around. Sam fell asleep and the local farmers pointed and snickered at him. I woke him abruptly. He looked up and saw about half a dozen men staring at him. They burst into uproarious laughter. One man said, "You shouldn't sleep in this heat!" Sam responded with, "But I'm tiiiireeddd," .... ... way to go, Sam. Stand up for yourself and stick it to the man. Finally, Strange Grandpa came back and herded us back onto the truck/bus. We made our way out of the rest area. While passing by some trees, we suddenly noticed a horse to our right. The truck/bus slowed, and at the horse's feet, we saw a dead baby horse... just lying on the ground. The truck/bus quickly shifted gears and sped away. ... ... WTF!? ... Strange Grandpa ignored it, and kept talking unintelligibly about other things. On the way down the mountain, we could see our ship.

It was not an unwelcome sight. 

After about twenty minutes, we were back in the outskirts of town. We drove along one of the main thoroughfares of Samana. Off to the right, Strange Grandpa pointed out one of the local markets. He ordered the truck/bus to turn so we could get a closer view.

Hello, Mom and Pop shops! Don't mind us, we're just a bunch of tourists staring and taking pictures of your daily lives!

To our left, we passed by the fish market. They had gutters built into the road that carried the blood and guts of the various sea creatures.

I hate to say it, and this probably isn't culturally sensitive, but I'm not sure the health inspector would approve...

After the awkward side trip to the market, the bus/truck returned to the dock. We got off, tipped and said farewell to Strange Grandpa, and made our way back to the ship. The water taxis were even more stuffy and crowded than before. The ride back to the ship was rather unpleasant. But it was a short ride, and soon we were back onboard and in our stateroom. A couple hours later, the ship set sail.

Bye bye, DR! Gonna miss your beautiful rainforest!

It was clear the country had various economic problems. Many of our fellow shipmates seemed unhappy with their excursions. I thought it was a fascinating glimpse into island-nation society. How can a country so rich with natural beauty and wonder be plagued by so much poverty? Since I am not a scholar on the subject, I will shut my mouth and only open it for food consumption.

AND THEN I DID!

The sun was setting outside. This was our last port. The past four days had been an incredible experience, and it felt soothing to look out at the ocean while processing all that had happened. The next two days were at sea, so we had nothing to look forward to but relaxation, movies, and drinks. WHAT A CHORE.

Is it healthy for a New Yorker to relax? It feels so unnatural...

To celebrate our last excursion, Sam and I went to the club and had some drank.

WE WERE SO HAPPY WE DIDN'T HAVE TO WAKE UP EARLY.

And then one drink turned into two... and two turned into four... and four... you get the idea. Exponential growth, ya beesh.

THEN I FOUND THIS GIRL AND TOOK A PICTURE WITH HER

...and then she smooshed me on my face!

And then we hung out with our friends!

And the drinks kept coming somehow...

Then I made more friends. And then some more. And finally, when it felt like I was friends with every single person on the ship, I decided I needed to go to bed. I don't remember taking this photo, but it was the last one on my camera for that night.

I think it was when I was waiting for my food outside the 24 hr diner on the ship.

The hangover tomorrow was going to be preeeettyyyy fuuunnn...