The Globe-Trotting Travels of a Lovely Little Drunk: Port 3- St. Thomas: Champagne & Snorkeling on a Catamaran

The sun lit up our stateroom. I forgot to close the curtains. Oops!

But how could I be mad when I have a view like this??

Our excursion wasn't until the late morning, but since we were already awake, we decided to get an early start. We had breakfast at the Outdoor Cafe. We thought it was a good idea to fill our stomachs before snorkeling and then drinking from an open bar on a Catamaran. After breakfast, we made our way leisurely to the dock.

We were told the sun was extremely powerful today, so we put on an extra layer of sunscreen while waiting for our tour guide.

Shortly after, we were led to two open-air buses. The group was divided in half and we excitedly boarded the vehicles.

The road was very hilly, and I almost got smacked in the face by tree branches a few times. WHAT AN ADVENTURE!

After about a twenty or thirty minute ride, we were dropped off at a small marina. We were then taken down a long dock to our catamaran.

SAM GET OUTTA THE WAY.

We boarded the catamaran, received a quick safety demonstration, and set sail. I used my waterproof camera today, which doesn't have great sound. So all the movies I took have the audio turned wayyyy down. I thought that was best. I don't want my readers getting their eardrums ripped out by the sound of the wind and water!

The wind got stronger the further we went out. The ship picked up speed and it felt as if we were flying over the waves.

The wind was cool, the sun was shining and warm, and the smell of the sea was invigorating. I was COMPELLED by a higher power to take a selfie.

If you're out to sea, and the big guy upstairs tells ya to do something... YA DO IT.

Then I was RUDELY interrupted by one of the tour guides. She explained that we were sailing from St. Thomas to St. John, a nearby island renowned for its beaches and coral reefs. She also talked us through how to put on our snorkeling masks, life vests, and flippers. Then she gave us a preview of the daily life of a St. Thomas islander. Part of the U.S. Virgin Islands, St. Thomas has almost no local resources. Everything is imported. Therefore, it is very expensive to live there.

She said she bought a toothbrush and it set her back ten dollars...

About twenty minutes later, we arrived at St. John. The catamaran moored itself to a buoy a couple hundred yards from the beach. We got on our snorkeling gear, and JUMPED OFF THE BOAT into the water!

The waterproof camera worked! If only I could figure out some way to STOP PUTTING MY HANDS IN FRONT OF THE SHOT. Oh well... I swam around to get used to the gear. Then I tried to shoot a video that went from below the waves and pan to the island, BUT THEN AN ANIMAL RAN INTO ME.

Don't worry, it was just some old guy who wasn't looking where he was going... and SWAM into me. Fool. I moved closer towards the shore. We were told that was where the reefs were AND I WANTED TO SEE SOME GODDAMN SPECTACULAR FRIGGIN WILDLIFE!!! Suddenly, from the depths, I SAW A HORRYIFYING SEA CREATURE OF DOOM! Then I set the footage to music!

He took one look at me and was like, HELL NO I'M NOT MESSING WITH THAT KID. HE LOOKS TOO AWESOME AND SEXY. I agreed, and he returned to the depths. I continued my journey towards the reefs. Their shadows, exposed to sunlight, quickly became bright and colorful hubs of life and activity. I couldn't figure out where I wanted to look first. So I took this video and set it to some crappy pop music. In fact, a few of the following videos are set to crappy pop music. I COULDN'T RESIST!!!

Then I made a friend! A little fishy I called Lady Scramstank! She was pretty and very nice. Then she got scared of me because I was blaring Justin Bieber songs.

Then I met another friend! He told me his name was Mr. Cuddlebiggles. I asked him if I could call him something else and he spat in my eye and slapped me. Really hard. It hurt a lot. WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT!?

Then I looked towards the shore and saw two wild donkeys playing with each other! It was so cute!

They look like unicorns and smell like poop and old people feet!

All too soon, the catamaran crew gave the signal to return to the boat. I was sad, BUT ALSO SO EXCITED CUZ NOW THE OPEN BAR WOULD BEGIN! I swam like an eagle back to that boat! ...

To get back on the catamaran, they lowered a small staircase. It was a strange feeling to have to lift yourself up out of the water and then walk up stairs. It took a minute for my muscles to adjust.

Thankfully, I wasn't the only one who looked awkward getting back onto the catamaran.

Somehow, SAM cut himself on the stairs. I convinced him to tell the crew, and they immediately sprang into action. We needed to minimize the risk of infection, specifically Staph infection. With my towel, (MY ONE TOWEL) Sam and I wiped the blood from the wound. Then one of the crew mates disinfected it and kissed it and made it all better. Then we tucked Sam in and said good night. Then we set sail back to St. Thomas!

Um, excuse meeee, wind doesn't get me drunky! ...unless I'm three sheets to it... heh heh

Then something WONDERFUL happened! Our crew suddenly became bartenders! For the next forty five minutes, it was DRINK TIME!

A nice big ol' cup of champagne? NO. I mean, YES. YES, DEFINITELY. NO WAY. GAH.

Along the way back to St. Thomas, we passed various luxurious yachts and estates. This one house is owned by someone cool but I forgot who. Unless I'M THE ONE LIVING THERE, I don't really care.

Stunning... though also if a hurricane came by... terrifying...

We arrived at the marina, boarded our open-air buses, and were shipped off back to port. We boarded the ship with plenty of time to spare. An hour later, we left St. Thomas.

Bye bye, place!

Sam and I knew tonight could not be a party night. We had another excursion to look forward to early the next morning. So we grabbed dinner at the buffet, and stopped by a bar at the top of the ship for a night cap. The bartender was very cool, and made this little magic trick for us.