Montenegro: Getting Swept Out to Sea & Attacked by Goats! How was your day?

Good morning, Montenegro! Today was our adventure day, so Nina, Pat, Alison, and I got up early to make the best of it. We looked out of our hostel window to the plaza below.

I am the Sofia Loren of Kotor.

So the four of us and our tour guide walked over to the bay and tried to find some water adventure sports. We had heard that kayaking in the Bay of Kotor was a MUST DO. So we MUST DID. Unfortunately, we couldn't find the rental shop. We spent about an hour trying to locate it. Turns out, it was where we thought it was originally, but it wasn't open yet. Ugh. We got up early for nothing! Once the Kayak shop was ready, we rented our boats. Nina and I shared one boat, while Pat and Alison shared another. We got our life jackets on, and into the bay we went!

Though the view was great, my life jacket smelled like dead fish. Also... America's Cup?? Wtf?

This was my first time kayaking by the way. EVER. It was such an unexpected feeling, to be this little boat in the middle of this HUGE bay, with all these mountains and villages around us. I felt very intimidated.

I also didn't know how to row. Evidently you have to use muscle? I only have fat made from booze so... uh... I was at a loss.

I have to admit though, the water was surprisingly easy to move through. And the view was stunning. At times we purposely didn't row so we could just sit and stare in wonder. 

The water was very salty though... very very salty.

As we rowed along, we realized we had no idea where to go.

In the distance we saw a beach, or a sliver of a beach.

Somewhere... right over there. Right there. You see it?

So we crossed the bay, paddled past the sea monsters, and brought our small boats ashore. Then we got out and went for a swim on a secluded beach.

Nina being sassy, Pat splashing Nina, Alison watching, me laughing.

I cannot stress enough how breathtaking the view was. The water felt like cold salty bathwater. Further down the coast we saw some fellow kayakers.

We resolved to sink them.

In the video below I try to show the panorama. Apparently, videos on this blog only play if you're on a desktop. I need to figure out how to change that. Because that's stupid. Technology is so great and so stupid. Cheers to that.

I wanted to spend the entire day on this beach, just lounging around.

This view has remained largely unchanged for 500 years.

But unfortunately, we had more exploring to do. DARN. So we got back into our kayaks and crossed back over to the other side of the bay.

WE PADDLE STRONG LIKE MEN.

So when we crossed, we realized that on this side the water was much rougher, and the current was much stronger. Also, the current was taking us away from where we wanted to go. We only had so much time with these rented kayaks, about four hours, and I was starting to get worried that we would miss getting back on time, and we would be charged for ANOTHER four hour time slot. So we paddled harder and harder. The salty water was starting to get into our eyes, blinding us. Nina periodically screamed in pain as the salt water rendered her useless. I could feel the salt crusting on my beard and in Nina's hair. Twenty minutes went by, and it felt like we had been rowing for a lifetime. When we looked up, we realized we had gotten NOWHERE.

This was pretty much the same view we had for forty five minutes of aggressive paddling. IT WAS HELL. 

Somehow, SOMEHOW, we were able to make it out of that treacherous current. We got back to the kayak station with plenty of time to spare. My arms felt numb. If this was what it took to build muscle, NO. THANKS. So we left our boats behind, and walked back to the hostel to shower off the salt. I cannot tell you how much salt was on us. My red shirt turned WHITE. I ran my hand through my hair and salt crystals would fall out. Lemme tell you though, I had never tasted so delicious.

After our showers, we were ready for some food. So we ventured into the Old Town to find some grub.

I loved the small winding streets here.

Even though the Old Town was small, it felt like a maze. Finding our way around became an adventure of its own. One street turned into a plaza which turned into many streets and eventually you found yourself in New Zealand.

Just kidding. But it became hard to navigate our way through the town. The only way to orient ourselves was by using the mountains. 

And then I saw boobies.

Why, boobies, why?

So we continued to walk through the streets, trying to find the perfect dining spot. 

Wouldn't it be cool if there was a restaurant in that bell tower?? Ugh. Also, old man there is having a rough day. He kinda reminds me of the BFG.

After some searching, we found a place. I ordered a traditional Montenegrin... uuuuhhhhhh... THING.

Five bucks if you can tell me what this is!

Though I can't spell or pronounce what it was called, I can tell you that it was deep fried goodness. It was fried meat stuffed with more meat and cheese. I feel like that's all I ever eat. What is wrong with me?

After lunch and my regular two huge glasses of beer, we decided to go for a hike.

Tell me why you think I took a picture of this...

So on the mountain of St. John, which was directly behind the Old Town, there was a large fortress, which apparently provided fantastic views of the Bay of Kotor. Since we were only here for one whole day, we needed to see it.

We knew the hiking trail would be somewhere towards that mountain.

The incline was getting steep. We walked all the way to the base of the mountain, and found a large stone staircase going up. We started climbing, and it didn't take long for the views to start to pay off.

The beer and fried meat in my stomach wasn't getting as much out of it, though...

The stairs kept going and going. We kept climbing and climbing.

If it weren't for the view I would have probably thrown up, cried, and taken a nap.

We reached a small chapel, and decided to take a breather.

By we I mean me. These old bones...

I decided to force Nina, Pat, and Alison to pose for the camera. They all decided to do an impression of a small girl who was all too aware of her beguilement.

aka Pat's niece.

Then Nina crossed the line.

Nina, the robot flamingo.

We took a large swig of water, and moved on. We looked up to see how much more we had to climb.

... kinda feels like we're in Super Mario? Is that Bowser's castle?? IS IT THOUGH??

As we hiked up the stairs, I would periodically look back at the fantastic scenery.

It felt surreal. Was this real life?

I couldn't fully conceive that this was where I was, on a huge mountain heading to a ruined fortress overlooking an ancient city in a gorgeous valley with some incredible friends.

This is why I travel.

There would be no way to fully describe the views. Thank goodness I don't have to. THANKS, PHOTOGRAPHY.

Everyone just... shhh... shhhhhhhh....

As we were climbing, we stumbled upon this small doorway. It led through one of the ruined walls, and there was a trail on the other side. The four of us looked at each other.

Alice in Wonderland?

There was a simultaneous, almost psychic, understanding. We went through the opening, together.

On the other side was a totally different trail. It felt like we discovered a new world. It led to a small village.

We had heard that there could be snakes, scorpions, and other wild creatures in this area, so we were very cautious. As we followed this mysterious trail, I glanced back and was overwhelmed.

How FREAKIN' cool is that!?

We walked towards the strange village.

It didn't seem inhabited, at first.

But we were wrong. It was inhabited. OH, IT WAS INHABITED, ALL RIGHT.

Inhabited by mountain goats!! AAUUUGHHHH!

At first I saw only one or two. Then three... then a few more... all clustered around this ruined chapel.

Chapel of the Goats?

Then there were more goats... and more... AND EVEN MORE. Suddenly, I heard Alison scream. Then the scream was followed by dozens of hooves clomping on the rocks. IT WAS A STAMPEDE!

There's Alison scampering away.

At first I saw only a few, then suddenly there were dozens all around. They seemed to come out of nowhere!

Once the goats regained their composure, (we are still mystified as to why they all of a sudden decided to freak out at nothing... it was probably Alison... could she communicate with them?? WAS SHE A QUEEN OF THE GOATS???) we debated hiking further down the trail. We could see at the far end of the valley a grouping of dwellings, which were definitely in use... by people, for once. 

Maybe they has more beers!?

Unfortunately, we were on a time crunch. We needed to meet up with the rest of the group for dinner. So we decided to head back to the main path and continue hiking up the mountain, towards Bowser Castle.  

PAT STOP TAKING PICTURES OF OUR BUTTS. WE KNOW THEY'RE GREAT BUT JEEZ!!

We climbed back through the opening, and were once again greeted by this magnificent but dizzying view.

Feels like I could just step over this wall and end up on that cruise ship.

We continued climbing up. Man, I thought my arms were going to be sore tomorrow from the kayaking, but it looked like my legs were also going to be killing me. At a certain point, I was able to get most of the Old Town in a photo.

It's a triangle!

We climbed a little further, and FINALLY! WE REACHED BOWSER CASTLE!

I am not ashamed that we sang the Mario theme song VERY LOUDLY. I think it was entirely justified.

The fortress was mostly in ruins.

Well, it was fine right before we got there, but then Nina went crazy and destroyed everything, like the little falafel of terror that she is.

So the Old City (or Old Town, whatever) of Kotor has been around for a long time. It was first settled by the Romanized Illyrians around 168 BC. The fortress above it, where we were, on the mountain of St. John, was built during that same time. But throughout the next, oh, THOUSAND+ years, each new empire that took control of the region would construct their own addition to it. Though it clearly was no longer in use, the fortifications had Illyrian, Byzantine, Venetian, and Austrian architectural influences. Napoleon even got in on some of this sweet stuff. 

I can't help but imagine that little man on this giant mountain, looking around, thinking... yikes, I'm really small.

The fortress was GIANT. It was a never ending complex of stone structures, ramparts, and all that other war crap.

And tourists! Don't forget tourists!

It was haunting to walk around the barracks and armories and think that this castle had more than fifteen hundred years of war history.

All leading up to ME visiting it! ...WHY AM I SO SMALL. Okay, I can't ever make fun of Napoleon again.

We explored the fortifications more, and realized that the sun was starting to set. We needed to get back down the mountain to meet the rest of the group for dinner. Climbing down was more treacherous than going up. The stairways were often uneven and rocky. There were several points where we almost slipped. Thankfully, with care, we got down in record time.

This was atop the last staircase separating the town from the mountain.

We walked to the hostel (it took us a minute to find it again), and met with the rest of the group. Our guide took us down the street to another hostel, where for only a couple bucks, we were treated to a home-cooked authentic Montenegrin meal!

Steamed rice with veggies, roasted chicken, and a coleslaw/salad thing.

THIS WAS WHERE THE GOOD FOOD WAS AT. You guys, that rice was one of the best things I had ever eaten. The chicken was cooked perfectly. I wanted to eat more but from all the exercise I got today I thought I was going to explode. I should've taken some with me. You know, like, taken some of the rice and just poured it in my backpack and then I would be eating it RIGHT NOW. RIGHT. NOW.

I'm hungry.

After dinner we all went outside and walked to a bar nearby. We drank and swapped stories from the day. After a few rounds, we decided to go off and explore the city at night.

There's Bowser castle... looming over us...

We visited a few more bars, laughed, talked, and got to know each other. This was undoubtedly one of my favorite days so far.

I can still feel my arms and legs aching though.

Heck, it was totally worth it.

Catch Ya Later, Croatia! Oh Myyyyy, Montenegro!

Weirdest blog post title ever. You're welcome.

So we woke up and Nina, Amy, Alex, and I decided to head back to the Old Town to have some breakfast, OR AS AUSTRALIANS CALL IT, "Brekkie". So cute. So we made the mistake of going to one of the restaurants along the main street. It looked pretty touristy, but we had no idea HOW touristy it was...

Ham and cheese omelet. Yes. They CHARGE for butter, jam, and honey?... PER PACKET?

So after our unnecessarily expensive breakfast, we decided to explore some of the dark corners of the Old Town.

Let's see what kind of seedy subversive adventures we can get ourselves into at 10 am...

AND THEN IT HAPPENED. THE RETURN. OF. THE. POTATO.

It looked exactly the same as the potato we saw before! Same shape, same color, etc. MAYBE IT WAS THE SAME POTATO?? Nina yelled what everyone was already thinking, "What's with all these potatoes!?" No one had an answer. It was just sitting there, in the middle of the street. Quiet. Too quiet. One lonely potato in a world filled with pots of boiling water...

That was one brave and mobile potato. Lemme tell ya.

Enough about the potato. You guys are obsessed with it. So we all headed back to the hostel, got all our things together, said farewell to our dear Amy, and set off for Montenegro! Goodbye, Croatia!

So here are my impressions of Croatia. First off, the group we traveled with was amazing, as I said before. We really lucked out. I think the Croatia we saw will not be the same Croatia in a few years, and that was one of the reasons I wanted to go. Its popularity in the tourist industry is rising, and I wanted to see it before it became too crazy. Croatia offered a lot of important cultural heritage sites and natural wonders. The beaches, the ruins, the cities, and the people were extraordinary. Its vast history and mixture of cultures was evident everywhere. The ONE bit of criticism I'd have would be the food. Don't get me wrong, I had some pretty amazing meals, like the Asian-fusion place in Dubrovnik. But this unusual cultural mixture should have made Croatian cuisine outstanding, and I failed to see that. Most of the foodstuffs I got I could get anywhere else. Although what I had was delicious, sometimes it felt like a knock-off, an imitation of other cuisines, primarily Italian and Slavic. The food that was more Italian-esque, to me, just wasn't as good as the Italian food in Italy, or in New York. Unfortunately, I don't know enough about Slavic food to comment on that aspect. And maybe that's just the way Croatian cuisine is. But if it wants to build a tourist industry that rivals other countries in Europe, it needs to offer something more than its incredible sights and sounds. It needs a food identity, culture, or artistry that is  not only incomparably delicious, but is unequivocally Croatian. I want to go here and stuff my face with food that I can't find anywhere else, OKAY!? IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK!?

So that's my rant. Don't be mad at me. Okay, fine you can be mad at me.

BACK TO REALITY. So the tour company, G Adventures, booked us a private bus, which was very convenient. The trip from Croatia to Montenegro was only a couple hours, and most of that time was spent in line going through the border security.

Once we were through though, we breezed down the roadways and arrived at Perast, a very old town on the Bay of Kotor.

On the left is St. George Monastery, and on the right is Our Lady of the Rocks, built on an artificial island. To get to them you have to walk across the water.

After I pushed Nina into the Bay to see if she could walk on water (newsflash, she can't), Pat, Alison, Alex, Nina, and I walked along the coast into the town itself.

The dramatic geography surrounding this old town was stunning.

The area was unlike anything I had ever seen before.

Giant mountains dropping into a pristine bay, yeesh, talk about dramatic.

The town and the environment felt so ancient. We could almost feel the history around us.

IT WAS PRETTY.

I still get chills when I look at these pictures. And let's be honest, I'm no photographer. My camera is either a crappy phone with a battery life of three hours or a digital camera practically from the 1860's.

What does exaggeration mean? I've never heard it before.

As we walked along the main street, we saw some ruined buildings.

A little odd to see these ruins right on the main road of the town.

It was hard to tell if they were real ruins, as in a protected heritage site, or just abandoned buildings. There wasn't a sign anywhere, so we had to assume that they were abandoned. Strange, since this particular structure was right across the street from a very posh restaurant overlooking the water.

I'd definitely be down to eat some local cuisine with a view like that... but alas, we didn't have enough time here.

We had to meet the rest of the group shortly, so we quickly took some photos with this magnificent backdrop.

THAT'S what I look like!? Oh, wait, that's Nina. I'm on the left. Whew.

THEN I TOOK A SURPRISE PHOTO OF PAT AND ALISON.

Or tried to. Ugh, they sure know how to pose at the drop of a hat. Sigh, they're so freakin' perfect all the time. SIIIGHHHH.

As we walked along, we spotted a wedding party at another restaurant on the water. Yeah, this would be a pretty fantastic place to have a wedding.

We walked back to meet up with everyone and get on the bus. There was some confusion, for the bus driver assumed that we would walk through the town and meet him on the other side. Instead, we walked back to the original starting point. So we had to wait a while for him to drive back and pick us up. Which was fine, you know, I just got ants all over my legs from when I sat on the ground and got some serious bug bites because I forgot my bug spray. BUT NO WORRIES IT'S FINE I'M NOT COMPLAINING AT ALL.

So we got back on and drove to the main town of Kotor. We'd be staying here for the next two nights. The drive was short, and the bus dropped us off at the entrance to the Old Town. This time, we'd be staying in the actual Old Town itself! No vehicles were allowed inside, so we had to walk through the town to find our hostel. It took us a long time to find it, unfortunately. The streets were not clearly organized or marked, and it was hard to find any addresses at all. It also didn't help that none of the locals seemed to know anything (or they were totally just messing with us, which is something I would do, so, hah. Respect.). But eventually, our guide was able to figure it out, and we found our rooms.

Though that was kind of stressful, at least we had the beautiful Old Town to gawk at.

Our hostel was right across from that beautiful cathedral. After we dropped our stuff off, we decided to grab some food and DrAnKs!

I got a little bottle of wine for about three bucks.

Okay yeah, lemme just say, the food here is CHEAP. A whole meal would set you back no more than about fifteen US dollars. A WHOLE MEAL. Like, appetizers, drinks, entree, ALL OF IT.

So Nina and I split some locally made cheese and prosciutto! Delicious! I LOVE THIS PLACE.

And since we were so near the sea, I got myself some fried calamari.

I think I read somewhere that the fried calamari here was good...

But it was meh. It was pretty much identical to the fried calamari I'd find in New York, at a dive bar or something. Remember my rant from before? I was wondering if I was going to have the same food experience in Montenegro. From what I can remember, Alison, Alex, and Pat did not enjoy their meals at all. Nina liked hers, she had squid ink risotto, which turned her mouth into a black hole of despair. So that was a plus.

Maybe you had to know what to order? Or Montenegrin cuisine was just a toss-up. What might seem like a good idea may turn out to be wonderful or terrible. The next couple days would prove to be very interesting, I'll tell you that much...

After dinner, we were all exhausted, and had to wake up early the next day. So we went back to the hostel, lay our drunk little innocent heads on our pillows and conked out.