Bye Bye Hvar, HELLOOO DUBROVNIK! OH AND GAY MARRIAGE.

Thankfully, we got to sleep in somewhat today.

Somewhat.

Nina and I awoke in our comfortable hotel beds with this as our view:

UGhhhhhh why do we have to leave!?

And I had no hang over! We wished we could stay longer in Hvar, but I was also looking forward to getting to our next destination. So we started packing our things and prepared ourselves to say goodbye to our luxurious hotel room.

Even after all the horrible things we did to you, room, you still smell like a million bucks.

As I was getting my things together, Nina was having difficulty. While she was in the shower, I heard a loud bang and crash coming from the bathroom. It was followed shortly by her cursing like a sailor. Once she emerged, I asked with wide eyes if everything was all right. Apparently the shower head fell from its holder and hit her on the noggin. Ouch.

She went back into the bathroom, where I heard once again some strange noises. It sounded like someone was forcing her to walk on hot coals. I asked, again, cautiously, if everything was all right. She said that she had just shaved her underarms and her deodorant, which had salt in it, was BURNING her skin. Oof.

We finally got our luggage together and lumbered downstairs for the included breakfast. I got myself some meats, cheeses, and eggs, with a side of toast and nutella. Nina got a coffee, and mistakenly put YOGURT in it instead of milk. Yikes. Then she couldn't seem to figure out how to put nutella on her plate, so she instead opted for putting a huge mound of it on her coffee cup saucer. Oh boy.

Girl was having a rough day. It wasn't 10 am yet.

After breakfast, we all walked to the far side of the harbor to get on the ferry. On the way we saw a single potato on the boardwalk. Just sitting there. Being a potato. As one would do if they were a potato. I'm not sure why it was fascinating to us. But it was. It was a captivating potato. Where did it come from? Who dropped it? Could it have gotten there on its own? Was it a magical potato??

I wondered if I needed more sleep.

But no time for that now, we were off to Dubrovnik by ferry! How exciting to see the Adriatic by boat, right?? The color of the sea! The salt in the air! The view of the coast!

I fell asleep on the ferry. I don't remember any of it. I slept hard on that ferry ride, guys. Real hard.

I woke up when we arrived at the port in Dubrovnik. We all got into taxis which shuttled us to our hostel. Our afternoon was free until our meet-up time for dinner. Tonight was our last dinner with this group. Though it wasn't MY last night on the tour, Dubrovnik was the last stop for most of the others. They were either heading home or moving on to another place in Europe. Tomorrow we would be joined by a new group who would travel with us from Dubrovnik to Athens, Greece.

We debated what we should do for our free time. We could have headed directly into the famous Old City of Dubrovnik that afternoon, but Pat, Alison, Alex, Nina, and I opted for something simpler. And it was just down the street. It was food.

I know, I know, it looks like a worm pile, but it's just delicious homemade pasta with scramps and mushrooms in a light cream sauce.

After lunch, we headed back to the hostel for a small nap. We were all exhausted. The past week we'd been traveling to a new city every other day, and we were running on very little sleep. We needed a little break.

It was during our nap time that I found out on Facebook that marriage equality had passed in the U.S. I was floored. After my recent run-in with homophobia in Split, this felt surreal, almost like universal justice. All the Australians were mad that the U.S. beat them to it! Heh heh. It turned out that everyone, the whole group, was supportive of this landmark decision. It was very powerful to know that once I returned home to the states, I was equal. I could marry (if I chose to marry) anywhere in the Union. It blew my mind. I was ecstatic. *add every synonym possible here!*

I felt so proud, that I downloaded and went on Grindr! Hahaha I can't believe I just wrote that sentence. But ...there were some pretty good looking people around here, lemme tell ya. I wasn't looking to meet anyone, but I felt compelled to talk to someone, a gay someone, about what just happened. Lemme tell ya something else, there were some pretty friendly people in these parts, as well.

After a rest and a quick shower, it was time to meet up with the group for our last supper. We gathered in the lobby of the hostel, and made our way down the street to the restaurant. It was called Taj Mahal, and despite its name, it served traditional Bosnian food.

And Tabasco sauce?

I ordered a DELICIOUS homemade baked meat... thing. Basically, it was a really fancy hot pocket. AND IT WAS AMAZING.

Hands down one of the best meals I've had so far.

Then I took a sneaky picture of the table.

Man, I'm gonna miss these guys.

After dinner we said our goodbyes. I gotta say, this was an amazing group of people. We all came from different backgrounds, countries, and professions, yet we all felt united in our common love for traveling. Everyone was so kind, funny, and charming. I couldn't have asked for better. I missed them already.

Here's a picture of most of our group, courtesy of Kristin! Damn, we ain't bad looking neither...

After our goodbyes, a few of us went down the street and had a farewell cocktail. Then we went back to the hostel to sleep. We needed rest for tomorrow would be a very big day! Again!

Hvar, Croatia: Booze Pontoons and Cruise! AND I JUMP OFF THINGS!!

It was a rough morning, I think, for everyone. 

Our friend, Sam, thought I was using a cottonball as a hair brush. 

AND MAYBE I WAS, maybe. I. Was.

I got two or three hours of sleep. We had to get up early to catch the ferry to Hvar. Besides, I'M NOT IN EUROPE FOR SLEEPING. 

We all packed our stuff, and off to the pier we went.

Unlike yesterday, this morning was beautiful!

I couldn't say the same for myself, though.

I got me the hung over blues.

The ferry arrived, and we all climbed aboard. We were off to Hvar, which was an island along the Dalmatian coast.

You guys. This island. was. so. friggin. beautiful.

We disembarked from the ferry and found our hotel, which was situated along the main harbor. This was the view from our hotel room:

Oh My Ariana Grande!

We dropped off our stuff, and set out to find a beach to pass out on. Nina and I met up with Pat, Alison, Sam, and Emily, and we found this luxurious establishment that allowed us to rent a private deck for the day. We made some calculations, and realized it would be only about sixty US dollars per person, FOR THE ENTIRE DAY. Oh and, by the way, this is what a private deck looks like:

If that's not what you call luxury then shut up and get out of my house. Also it's not even 10 am and I feel like a rapper in a music video.

The deal also came with a free bottle of Moet. Heh heh. GIMME DAT.

I felt so fancy I had to force Pat to take a picture of us. WITHOUT HIM IN IT.

Then I felt EVEN FANCIER AND MADE HIM TAKE A CLOSE UP. WHY AM I YELLING!?

Too much happy that's why. Why am I the only one not wearing sunglasses?

You guys. I rarely take selfies. And by rarely I mean often. I confuse those terms. Point is, I took a selfie. And I don't feel ashamed about it.

New Grindr profile pic?

What's even better, is that we had a personal butler, or what most may call, a "waiter". His name was Boris. And we loved him as our very own.

He delivered some damn good strawberry daiquiris, I'll tell ya that much. Shut up, Boris. you'll never be one of us. Unless you take off your shirt. Then you'd be exactly like us. Or me. Mostly me. And maybe Nina.

Our private dock was technically referred to as a "pontoon", but it was not a pontoon. The definition for a pontoon is,

"a flotation device with buoyancy sufficient to float itself as well as a heavy load," 

So essentially a beast of burden of the sea, which is just another term for me. Well, that's Nina's pet name for me.

The view from the "pontoon" was stunning.

Ow! Stop stunning me!

And the best part about it was that we could jump off the deck into the Adriatic sea!

I made a video of it. Two videos. You must watch both. Please.

If you needed to know what the "pontoon" looked like from the perspective of the sea, I took this very illuminating photo:

This is what it's like to be the sea. How does it feel to be a sea? Do you feel... wet?

GAH. AND THEN NINA HAD TO SIT ON THE MAJESTIC PONTOON.

I'm a shark and I'm gonna pull you in. Duh nuh. Duh nuh. DUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH DAH NUH NUHHHHH DEATH.

At some point during the day, I felt peckish. So I ordered me up some grub from good ol' reliable Boris.

House made burrata with arugula and fresh tomatoes. Jealous? You should be. I was drunk.

So we were at the "pontoon" from about 10 am to about 4 pm. Though it was hard to leave, we had to move on to our next adventure. So we walked back to the main harbor of Hvar town.

Yeah, it's okay looking. Reminds me of Brooklyn.

We met up with the rest of our group at the hotel. There, we saw some British frat boys wearing diapers running around yelling at people. I wish I were joking. And I wish I had pictures. But I think I was just too scandalized. I am a delicate lady, after all.


We walked towards the pier and waited for a while. Finally, our private ship arrived so we could do a "booze cruise". That, in the end, consisted of us bringing our own booze on a boat. And then drinking it.

Hey, whatever works. Pat was stoked. omg Nina what in the world....

Our ship then sailed into this little cove on a different island.

Apparently it was VERY exclusive. Meaning it was just hard to get to without a boat.

Our crew then informed us that we could jump off the top deck of the boat into the sea. Brittany, the adventurer that she is, went first.

Bless her heart. Then it was my turn.

Love when my boobies show up on film. I feel like Kate Winslet. After we swam around this little cove for a bit, we climbed back onto the ship for dinner and to watch the sunset. Our meal consisted of fresh bread, fruits, olives, and cheeses provided by our tour guide.

I forgot to get a picture of it so I just got one of us making sunset mimosas.

It was a beautiful sunset for a beautiful, perfect, relaxing, fun-filled day.

I can say beautiful twice! I've run out of synonyms! ...or rather, I'm too lazy to look up more synonyms. I need another drink.

I felt so content and sun-kissed I demanded more pictures of me with that girl I traveled with, whassername McGee.

Heyy! It's, yeah! Whassername..,sdfn,'dlskfl....kdkdf. ? Yeah that's it. 

Our cruise headed back to port. We all drank more wine and mimosas and finished up the leftovers. We talked and laughed, and then some of us tried to steer the boat but ended up almost sinking us (Nina).

But with a view like this, who cares?

So we docked back at Hvar harbor, and walked to our hotel. Then a few of us came down to the bar in the lobby, got a couple more beers and played some cards before turning in. Tomorrow would be another adventure-filled day!

Split, Croatia: Roman Palaces, Trampolines, and Homophobia

First off, the title of this post may be a little strange. So permit me, if you will, to explain everything. WHY WON'T YOU LET ME EXPLAIN!? 

We woke up this morning to the calming and lulling sound of pouring rain and thunder. Ugh. 

The group was supposed to meet early and we were going to walk down to the old city and get a guided tour of Diocletian's Palace. But because of the rain, we had to postpone our trip a few hours. We were hoping that later the weather would let up. While we waited, a few of us decided to grab some breakfast. So we walked down the street to a bakery and helped ourselves to some Croatian baked goods.

SUGARED CHOCOLATE DOUGHNUT YUM YES PLEASE THANKS. #HEALTHY BREAKFAST.

We hung out at a nearby cafe for a while before heading back to the hostel. Though the rain had stopped, it was still cloudy. But as a group we voted to screw it! We were only here one day, so who cares if there's going to be a little rain. With umbrellas in hand, we ventured out to the old part of the city.

We walked through a large marketplace selling a variety of goods like clothes and meat. BASICALLY A CROATIAN TARGET.

Along the way, Nina posed a very interesting question to our guide, who was originally from Italy. He spoke fluent English, so she asked him, when he thinks, does he think in Italian or English? He said English. So much so that it had become difficult for him to go back home and speak in his local dialect. He said in his town people don't speak Italian, but a kind of mix of Italian and Arabic (he pronounced Arabic A-RAH-bic). Nina misheard, and in a panicked and bewildered tone, asked, "A rabbit!?"

Let's take a second and think about how interesting an Italian/Rabbit dialect would be.

Needless to say, I found that funny as HELL. And broke down laughing in the middle of the street. Good first impression, for sure.

We arrived at Diocletian's Palace.

Or I should say, what's left of his palace.

Diocletian's Palace is one of the most unique sites in the world. Its intended use was as a retirement palace for Diocletian in the fourth century AD. He was one of Rome's last good emperors (though he was brutal as hell). Once the Romans abandoned it, it was left unoccupied until a few hundred years later, when refugees from the nearby areas used it as a place to hide. It provided ample protection, and had access to the sea, so people ended up building their town INTO THE PALACE.

Little toy city model helps provide a layout for the area.

Today, the entrance we used would have, in Roman times, led us into the basement of the palace.

As you can see, there would have been plenty of room to store all of your Roman junk, AND keep a few mythic monsters there as well!

The palace is built on land that was originally a Greek colony, founded in the 4th century BCE.

This well dates back to those times. IT'S OLD, Y'ALL.

We then walked through the massive basement, which today, was a space for commerce. Tons of shops lined the corridors. Most of them were geared towards selling souvenirs.

So what once was a storage area for crap, is now a marketplace for crap.

From the old basement, we climbed some stairs, and found ourselves in what looked to be a very ancient plaza. 

Behind us, there was a cathedral and bell tower. During Roman times, the cathedral was Diocletian's mausoleum. The bell tower did not exist until the middle ages.

To one side, there were these very striking lavender colored trees.

I kinda wanna climb up there and sleep in it.

As it turned out, THIS WAS NO PLAZA. This was actually Diocletian's personal residential chambers.

Not lookin' too personal now, are ya?

At certain areas we could peer down and see into what was once the basement and first floor.

Where, if I were the Emperor, I would have looked down at my servants and laughed, LAUGHED DIABOLICALLY.

When we walked to the wall facing the sea, our guide told us that this was where Diocletian would have gone to sleep every night. He would turn and look out to see a breathtaking sunset, then lay his little Roman head on his slaves' butts, atop a mattress made of golden kittens and sheets made of silk lined with rubies and emeralds mined by Xena, Warrior Princess.

Today, all we see is crumbling walls and fog.

In a back corner, we saw what was once a fountain. During the Roman period, these fountains would be fueled with wine, not water. It would have been prominently displayed to show off the immense power and wealth of the Empire.

I don't think it'd be a good idea to drink that wine though...

From there we walked to the vestibule, which was the entrance hall of Diocletian's residence. Because of its extraordinary acoustics, today it was used for small concerts and performances.

From the vestibule we walked out onto the Peristyle, or the open courtyard within the palace.

In its heyday the Emperor would have come out and yelled at all of his subjects for being, just, simply the worst. At least, that's what I would have done.

To one side lay a sphinx, brought over from Egypt when Diocletian crushed a rebellion.

Now it's just sitting there judging us. Rightly so.

From the Peristyle we walked to a nearby plaza, which had many cafes and restaurants.

I'm a eat at one of yous...

Our guide then took us through the fish market, where the sights and smells of the ocean both tantalized and nauseated us!

I regretted my decision to wear sandals.

Outside the fish market, I saw these cool statue things, so I took a picture of them.

I got nothing else on them. I do like that they're holding their ears going, "La La LA". They're sick of hearing your nonsense.

Our guide then took us to another plaza, which had a stunning view of the sea. This was where, sadly, our tour had come to an end. This is my last blog post ever.

THAT'S IT. G'BYE EVERYBODY.

JUST KIDDING. That was the end of the walking tour but not of my blog. Silly goose. Stupid, gullible, silly goose. Such silly, silly geese. Once our guide said farewell, we were left to our own devices. So our new friends Alex, Pat, and Alison joined Nina and I for lunch.

At a place called Convenience cafe? Or Quick and Easy Cafe? Or I'm A Cheap Date Cafe? I can't remember which.

Gotta say, my lunch was DELICIOUS.

I know, I know, it looks like a cat threw up on my plate. BUT I PROMISE, it's an omelet with fresh scallops and truffles. It was fantastic. IT REALLY WAS THOUGH!!

And since we were so close to the sea, I couldn't refuse a cup of traditional Croatian seafood stew.

It had fish and scramps and yummy broth. Really hit the spot on a cloudy rainy day.

After lunch, our new friends, Nina, and I decided to take a risk, and climb the bell tower. I wanted to get a panoramic view of the city. Little did we know that the bell tower was TERRIFYING. The stairs were not evenly spaced, and there wasn't really that much between you and a ten story fall. Our little Nina, champion of hearts, was also scared shitless of heights. But you know what, she was a trooper, and she made it through.

With a stunning view like this? I'd say it was worth it.

Then I badgered some tourists to take a picture of us and our new best friends in the whole world!

HI NEW BEST FRIENDS. BE MY FRIEND NOW PLEASE THANK YOU.

Once we had our fill of the view, Nina and I climbed downstairs to explore Jupiter's temple.

Now a small church, it used to be a shrine to Jupiter. Duh. Kinda looks like Jesus is giving us the middle finger.

Much of the original structure is still intact from the Roman era, including the ceiling,

Yes, blurry photo. Thank you Samsung cell phone.

And the doorway.

Only a little better. Blame the equipment, not the photographer, right?

After exploring all these ruins, Nina and I decided to venture back to the hostel. Along the way, we met some other friends from our group. As we walked back, I saw a man wearing a T-shirt with "Ass My Kiss" written on it. 

How does one assify a kiss?

We reached the hostel, changed, showered, and got ourselves gussied up for dinner. We had no specific place in mind to go, but we wanted a restaurant along the waterfront. So we walked for what seemed like hours, and finally found an area alive with drinks, food, and TRAMPOLINES.

After our very necessary trampoling...trampolining? tramping? Jumping, we found a lovely restaurant with a beautiful view of the sunset.

You just can't beat a view and a breeze like this one. Wait, can you? Wait seriously, tell me.

I ordered mucho beer, and ate cream pasta with scramps.

Scramps is my term for shrimp, if you haven't been able to figure that out yet.

After we ate, we had a few more beers, and got into the mood to party. So we asked the waitress if she knew a hip-happening club nearby. She instructed us to follow the boardwalk all the way down to an Irish sounding bar, something like Molly's Pub or something. We found it, but once we got inside, we saw this:

An empty space of a whole lot of nothing.

But don't be fooled! Although the club was completely empty, our group was a good time with good people, so we just partied on our own! We all bought each other shots and drinks and played music and danced! Once the night seemed to be coming to an end, we got two cabs. One group went back to the hostel. The other group, which consisted of me, Nina, Pat, and Alison, on a whim, decided to change our destination to the old city, to check out the REAL clubs.

It was there that everything happened. While Nina was being pursued actively by some very cute guys, one of which may have been a vampire, I was on the lookout for someone more suited to my taste... preferably, another man.

And that's how I came out on my blog. You're welcome, world.

Towards the end of the night, I spotted a really cute guy doing very impressive dance moves on the bar. Instinct kicked in. I knew he was like me. I knew because he was dancing better than their hired performers (this chick):

Oof. Girl.

But soon after, I lost sight of him.

A while later, the club closed down, so we all headed out to find a cab. That's when I saw him sitting on the patio. This was my chance. I went up to him and complimented him on his skills, which were very impressive. He seemed to enjoy the compliment. We began talking.

We talked for a while, and he said some very nice things to me which made me feel good about myself. Then he kissed me. My heart pounded. And he kissed me again. It felt great. He kissed me a third time.

Then a strange man, someone not much older than myself, perhaps a security guard, came over to us. He said to me "You can't do that here! You can't. If any Croatian men were to see you do that, they would be very angry! Very very angry with you. You cannot do that!"

At that moment I realized I was in a dangerous situation. I responded with, "All right. I'm sorry."

He said back, "No, you don't understand. You cannot do that here. You cannot."

I repeated my apology, and said, "Okay, all right, I get it."

He seemed to want to say more, but walked off. I let myself breathe once he was out of sight.

I was shaking. But I knew I was lucky. The situation could have been much worse. In retrospect, this stranger seemed to have been warning us, not threatening us. But it didn't make me feel safe. I can't kiss a guy that's cute, yet idiots five feet from me can objectify women, throw up in the bushes, drink excessively, and pee everywhere. What about that is fair?

And that's not where this story ends.

There was a crepe stand nearby, and our friends were there waiting to get some late night food. As we approached, some fifty year old Australian man started insulting us. He made it very clear he did not approve of my friend's "flamboyancy". We told him repeatedly to stop. He continued. Finally, after we made it clear that he was drunk, being stupid, and had no right to judge anyone, he backed off.

What could have been a lovely night felt tainted. I was excited because not only did I find another gay guy, but I found a really cute gay guy, and a really cute gay guy who thought I was cute.

But I forgot I wasn't in a tolerant country. And to think that I have to count myself lucky for being alive just for kissing another man... that's pretty messed up.

I had a wonderful day in Split. I made new friends. Even the cute guy- I'm still in touch with him. But tonight also taught me that in this country, this entire region, I am not considered equal. That's something I won't forget.