Hvar, Croatia: Booze Pontoons and Cruise! AND I JUMP OFF THINGS!!

It was a rough morning, I think, for everyone. 

Our friend, Sam, thought I was using a cottonball as a hair brush. 

AND MAYBE I WAS, maybe. I. Was.

I got two or three hours of sleep. We had to get up early to catch the ferry to Hvar. Besides, I'M NOT IN EUROPE FOR SLEEPING. 

We all packed our stuff, and off to the pier we went.

Unlike yesterday, this morning was beautiful!

I couldn't say the same for myself, though.

I got me the hung over blues.

The ferry arrived, and we all climbed aboard. We were off to Hvar, which was an island along the Dalmatian coast.

You guys. This island. was. so. friggin. beautiful.

We disembarked from the ferry and found our hotel, which was situated along the main harbor. This was the view from our hotel room:

Oh My Ariana Grande!

We dropped off our stuff, and set out to find a beach to pass out on. Nina and I met up with Pat, Alison, Sam, and Emily, and we found this luxurious establishment that allowed us to rent a private deck for the day. We made some calculations, and realized it would be only about sixty US dollars per person, FOR THE ENTIRE DAY. Oh and, by the way, this is what a private deck looks like:

If that's not what you call luxury then shut up and get out of my house. Also it's not even 10 am and I feel like a rapper in a music video.

The deal also came with a free bottle of Moet. Heh heh. GIMME DAT.

I felt so fancy I had to force Pat to take a picture of us. WITHOUT HIM IN IT.

Then I felt EVEN FANCIER AND MADE HIM TAKE A CLOSE UP. WHY AM I YELLING!?

Too much happy that's why. Why am I the only one not wearing sunglasses?

You guys. I rarely take selfies. And by rarely I mean often. I confuse those terms. Point is, I took a selfie. And I don't feel ashamed about it.

New Grindr profile pic?

What's even better, is that we had a personal butler, or what most may call, a "waiter". His name was Boris. And we loved him as our very own.

He delivered some damn good strawberry daiquiris, I'll tell ya that much. Shut up, Boris. you'll never be one of us. Unless you take off your shirt. Then you'd be exactly like us. Or me. Mostly me. And maybe Nina.

Our private dock was technically referred to as a "pontoon", but it was not a pontoon. The definition for a pontoon is,

"a flotation device with buoyancy sufficient to float itself as well as a heavy load," 

So essentially a beast of burden of the sea, which is just another term for me. Well, that's Nina's pet name for me.

The view from the "pontoon" was stunning.

Ow! Stop stunning me!

And the best part about it was that we could jump off the deck into the Adriatic sea!

I made a video of it. Two videos. You must watch both. Please.

If you needed to know what the "pontoon" looked like from the perspective of the sea, I took this very illuminating photo:

This is what it's like to be the sea. How does it feel to be a sea? Do you feel... wet?

GAH. AND THEN NINA HAD TO SIT ON THE MAJESTIC PONTOON.

I'm a shark and I'm gonna pull you in. Duh nuh. Duh nuh. DUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH DAH NUH NUHHHHH DEATH.

At some point during the day, I felt peckish. So I ordered me up some grub from good ol' reliable Boris.

House made burrata with arugula and fresh tomatoes. Jealous? You should be. I was drunk.

So we were at the "pontoon" from about 10 am to about 4 pm. Though it was hard to leave, we had to move on to our next adventure. So we walked back to the main harbor of Hvar town.

Yeah, it's okay looking. Reminds me of Brooklyn.

We met up with the rest of our group at the hotel. There, we saw some British frat boys wearing diapers running around yelling at people. I wish I were joking. And I wish I had pictures. But I think I was just too scandalized. I am a delicate lady, after all.


We walked towards the pier and waited for a while. Finally, our private ship arrived so we could do a "booze cruise". That, in the end, consisted of us bringing our own booze on a boat. And then drinking it.

Hey, whatever works. Pat was stoked. omg Nina what in the world....

Our ship then sailed into this little cove on a different island.

Apparently it was VERY exclusive. Meaning it was just hard to get to without a boat.

Our crew then informed us that we could jump off the top deck of the boat into the sea. Brittany, the adventurer that she is, went first.

Bless her heart. Then it was my turn.

Love when my boobies show up on film. I feel like Kate Winslet. After we swam around this little cove for a bit, we climbed back onto the ship for dinner and to watch the sunset. Our meal consisted of fresh bread, fruits, olives, and cheeses provided by our tour guide.

I forgot to get a picture of it so I just got one of us making sunset mimosas.

It was a beautiful sunset for a beautiful, perfect, relaxing, fun-filled day.

I can say beautiful twice! I've run out of synonyms! ...or rather, I'm too lazy to look up more synonyms. I need another drink.

I felt so content and sun-kissed I demanded more pictures of me with that girl I traveled with, whassername McGee.

Heyy! It's, yeah! Whassername..,sdfn,'dlskfl....kdkdf. ? Yeah that's it. 

Our cruise headed back to port. We all drank more wine and mimosas and finished up the leftovers. We talked and laughed, and then some of us tried to steer the boat but ended up almost sinking us (Nina).

But with a view like this, who cares?

So we docked back at Hvar harbor, and walked to our hotel. Then a few of us came down to the bar in the lobby, got a couple more beers and played some cards before turning in. Tomorrow would be another adventure-filled day!