The Globe-Trotting Travels of a Lovely Little Drunk: Being a BIG Easy: Hangovers, Hangover Cures, and a Zoo!

So apparently everyone woke up with a hang over. Except for me. I was READY for the day.

As evidenced by my horribly unappetizing but DELICIOUS breakfast burrito with a side of wine.

Zoe, Bobby, Kyle (after he threw up his intestines and right leg), Nicole, and I called a cab and set off to explore the famous, or should I say INFAMOUS, New Orleans Zoo! I had heard a lot of great stuff about it and we were all excited to see it for ourselves!

I love it when Bobby gets excited.

It was a bit of a long drive, but we finally arrived!

Audu..bon? Huh?

The main avenue in the zoo was breathtaking. Palm trees lined the walkway, and it felt like we had been transported to a tropical paradise.

Instead of being in a swamp.

The sun was bright so I quickly needed to quench my thirst.

I didn't ask for light but the lady at the register gave it to me anyway. She knew me. We're best friends now.

The first thing we saw were flamingos, just hanging out right next to the cafe.

I had never been this close to them. I heard a rumor that they're pink because of all the scramps (shrimp) they eat?? Is that true??

At the end of the main avenue, there was a great fountain with elephants and hippos and water that looked so cool and refreshing I just wanted to jump in it.

But I wasn't that drunk... yet.

Then this little stone baby elephant came up to Zoe and wanted her to pet it!

That's Zoe on the right. Without the sunglasses.

THEN WE SAW A SUN BEAR. It was sleeping!! It was so cute! It thinks it's people!

The patch on its chest made it look like a Care Bear!

Then this ferocious Leopard tried to eat Nicole!

Justifiably so.

Then I needed more booze. A cafeteria was nearby so I got some chicken tenders and a SMALL BOTTLE OF WINE???

I love this city.

We lost Nicole for a few minutes, but soon discovered her cleaning some of the locals.

I don't think you can use Gorillas as a coaster...

Then we saw some monkeys swinging! Like they were people!

THEN this little cute Orangutan got some garbage and used it as a parasol!

What a dainty lady! Or gentleman...

Then this Gorilla looked at me and clearly disapproved of my life choices.

He called me a drunk cracker and went back to eating... -_-

Then we saw them feed some Sea Lions!

One of them was blind and it made it even cuter! WHO DAT!?

Then two of the baboons escaped and climbed up a tree.

To play a leprechaun...

Then there was this secret passageway that was so sultry and sexy that I couldn't help but climb it. Nonchalantly, of course...

Jeans were getting tight.

At the end of the passageway was a lion we could ride!

It was real scary.

Then we hiked through the woods!

And saw some Giraffes GOING TO TOWN on these giant poles. Like... really going at it. Licking them like there was no tomorrow. Those were some really wet wooden poles I'll tell you that much...

I WISH this was a euphemism for something but it's not! I swear!

Then some river otters came up to us and said hi!

Or more like Kyle screamed at them, "BAAAARRRHHHHGHHH" and they swam away terrified.

Then they all got eaten by this evil Alligator.

Look at his red eyes! He's so evil!

THEN WE SAW A GHOST ALLIGATOR.

Definitely a ghost. And definitely doesn't approve of our life choices.

As we were walking a GATOR DAT GONE GOT UP AND STOLE OUR VIRGIN LADY NICOLE!

Yup. She gone for good.

Then there were some random Mayan ruins lying around.

Man, someone hasn't done a little spring cleaning around here for a while, huh?

DEN I SAW A PUTTY TAT!!

I DID! I DID! And he looked at me and shook his head and turned away.

After we were through terrorizing the endangered animals at the zoo, we decided to take a streetcar back. In order to get to the road, we had to walk through Audobon Park. At first it seemed IMPOSSIBLE. But then we realized it was not the size of Central Park.

And was actually really pretty...

But then this jackass jogger had to come by and imitate us. What a douche.

Yeah, we know you're skinny. We get it. Skinnier than us. Right. Got it. Leave us alone, you one eyed monster! Can I give you my number?

And they had Weeping Willows! My favorite tree!

I just wanna be a southern belle and weep under a weeping willow as my fiance fights alien robots on Mars. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK!?

Then we found a swing I could break!

One swing! Two Swing! Paralyzed!

We got through this HIDEOUS park, and made it on to the street car.

WHY IS IT STILL SO BRIGHT!?

We got back to the Quarter and went back to the house for a nap. Then Zoe and Bobby went to some fancy place to get their groove on, and Nicole, Kyle, and I went to Chartres House to get our grub on.