German Football (soccer(football(soccer(football))))

So today was a pretty light and relaxing day. It was necessary after the craziness from yesterday. After we woke up, we got ready and were off to see some German football!

The local stadium in Kaiserslautern.

We were also very hungry so we got the best hang over cure: BRATWURST!

Full of wholesome nutrients!

The stadium was very impressive. They said there were about 30,000 people at this game.

It was also very clean and ultra modern.

So the game was between Kaiserslautern's team, who were in red, and the blue and yellow team which I believe was from somewhere near Hanover. In this division, the blue and yellow team were 1st and Kaiserslautern was 2nd. So as you can imagine, tensions were very high.

And then Stephanie's friend gave us these:

What.. the.. hell....? It's gum by the way.

So the game ended with 1-1. Which was good because if Kaiserslautern lost there may have been fights breaking out everywhere. After the game we went to the commissary on base to do some food shopping for later in the week. Then we picked up Stephanie's friend Jake, who suggested for dinner we go to a great Italian restaurant nearby. Michelle got gnocchi in creamy Gorgonzola sauce..

And I ate it.

And I got a calzone stuffed with MEAT AND CHEESE.

And I ate that too I ATE EVERYTHING.

Dinner was pretty late, and we were all exhausted, so we got back to the apartment, had a glass of wine, and fell right to sleep. And lemme tell you, tomorrow is another big day!

Michelle's Oktobirthdayfest

Oof. So today is Michelle's 24th birthday! To celebrate, we woke up at 5 am in order to catch a bus leaving the base at 7:30 am. This lovely bus, or alcohol wagon as I referred to it as later on, was taking us to Munich for the city's world famous Oktoberfest. The ride from Ramstein to Munich was about 4-6 hours, so it was a good distance away. Around 11 am, Michelle and I were bored out of our minds, so we decided to start the festivities early and got some champagne which was available on board for 2 euro.

Hey, I'm surprised we were sober at 11 am.

The bus ride, though long, was comfortable. We got to see some really great views of the countryside.

And the day started out beautifully... STARTED OUT beautifully

So once we got to Munich, we were dropped off at the side entrance, next to the Bavaria statue.

Almost doesn't look real, huh. Oh and those people lying in front of it are passed out. Not napping. 

So here's some history on what the hell Oktoberfest is about. Basically, in the early nineteenth century a crowned prince was getting married to a princess and the town was invited to celebrate with them on the fields outside the city gates. It was so much fun that they held another round of festivities the next year. The celebration expanded each year to include agriculture, horse races, etc. and eventually breweries. Now it's infamous for its drunken revelry, food, and carnival attractions.

AND GIANT LADY STATUES WITH GIANT LADY PARTS.

We arrived around 2 pm. The tour guide warned us that this was the height of the celebration, so it would be very difficult to get in to a beer tent. THAT WAS A FRIGGIN UNDERSTATEMENT. Listen, I'm 5'5''. Apparently in Germany I'M VIRTUALLY THE SIZE OF A 4 YEAR OLD. The festival was packed with tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of GIANT DRUNK GERMAN PEOPLE. Everywhere you looked there were people either passed out, throwing up, sobbing hysterically on the ground, or peeing publicly. It was very, very overwhelming to say the least for this LEPRECHAUN (Fskjdghdgk). Each tent was packed and looked as if it'd be at least an hour wait to get in. So we opted to check out some of the food stands until the crowd level lightened up.

Stephanie got a giant over sized pretzel. Nice.

I got a bratwurst which was yummy.

Michelle got a cookie that women traditionally wear around their neck for some reason.

AND THEN MICHELLE AND I SPOTTED A FERRIS WHEEL YAY!!

WE GON BE ALL UP ON THAT. Stupid blonde girl with red glasses in front GETOUTTAMYWAY

From the line for the wheel we could see little Stephanie peering over a fence to catch a glimpse of us.

Adorable! And terrifying!

While we were waiting on line for the wheel, these two GIGANTIC and very drunk German men were standing behind us yelling at each other (or just talking unnecessarily loudly) and rubbing their beer bellies against my back. I was very uncomfortable and Michelle was about to punch him in the face. But.. it was chilly that day so at least we stayed warm. ... ... ....

Once we got on we could see the entire Oktoberfest from the sky.

Holy. Balls. That's a lot of people.

Once we got off the wheel it started to pour. It was so crowded and wet, we all decided to take a taxi from the fair and go to the REAL Hofbrauhaus. It was only about a 15 min cab ride away. AND IT WAS INDOORS. I suggest for anyone who goes to Oktoberfest NOT TO GO ON THE WEEKEND.

I WAS WET AND SCARED

So we got to the Hofbrauhaus and the crowd was significantly smaller than any of the beer tents we saw earlier. So we stuck around.

Michelle excitingly had an old Italian lady pushing into her bits the entire time.

The wait was a bit grueling, but once we got in we were so excited to be getting drinks and food, we completely forgot about the old lady, the rain, and the crowds outside.

SO EXCITED FOR BEER

Then, once the beer came, I did my best angry German man impression.

But seriously, I'm here till Thursday.

AND THEN I GOT SO EXCITED FOR THE COMING FOOD I TOOK A VIDEO:

And all was well. AND THEN THERE WAS A HALF OF A CHICKEN.

Then they started singing happy birthday and Michelle took the initiative and pretended IT WAS ALL FOR HER.

The Germans were frightened.

With all that beer I started to lose consciousness...

So Stephanie came up with a good idea..

AND MADE ME DRINK MORE.

There's no rest for the wicked.

And then the people next to Michelle were swaying back and forth and almost knocked her out. SO SHE DID THE ONLY THING SHE KNEW HOW:

She gave dirty looks.

So after we drank and ate our fill, we went back to the Oktoberfest grounds. That's where we were to meet the tour guide to go back to the bus. THEN I discovered the BEST RIDE, and made Stephanie and her friend Jake go on it. They represented us with great pride and dignity.

We went on a few more rides in the pouring rain, then crashed into the Pastry Tent, where we discovered a wonderland of dancing, music, lights, AND PASTRIES.

delicious?

Afterwards we walked back to the statue, met up with the tour guide, and she took us back to the bus. The ride home was long and we got stuck in traffic. I was so tired, though, that I didn't even notice or care. We got back to the base and Stephanie drove us back to her apartment, where we fell asleep. We got home at 8:30 am THE NEXT MORNING. The Oktoberfest trip lasted for more than 24 hours. It was intense, but SO MUCH FRIGGIN FUN!!!

Trying to Time Test Trier

So today, I woke up feeling IMMENSELY better. My nose had cleared up and I felt well rested, relaxed, and ready to take on the day! Then Stephanie, the sweetest person in the world, made Michelle and me breakfast!!

Eggs, chocolate croissant, a German breakfast sandwich and fruit??? YAHGIMMENOWOMNOM

Once we ate, showered, and dressed, we were off to the train station nearby. We took a two hour train ride to the city of Trier, the oldest city in Germany.

If only these ladies had any idea WHAT HORROR WAS IN STORE!!

The train ride was very smooth and comfortable. Along the way we were able to see some of the beautiful German countryside.

Excuse me, could this be a little more picturesque? Thanks. Where's my martini...

Once we arrived, we walked down the street to the Black Gate, which was the entrance to the city in ancient times.

Apparently this was here even before the Romans conquered the city

It was huge and amazingly well-preserved. We were able to go up INSIDE it for a small fee.

Now THAT'S my kind of grand staircase!

So as we climbed this incredibly old building and explored each floor, room, and corridor,

My future house

My future bedroom

we got a spectacular view of the city below,

One day EMPEROR STEVEN WILL CONQUER THIS PLACE

AND THEN we ran into a tribe of some kind of German band? Or something? Or cult? Or group? I don't know what the hell they were but they were singing a few moments before. They were primarily tall, strapping men wearing very strange costumes. I didn't hate it though. It seemed they tend to move in herds.

So after the Black Gate we walked further down the main street of the city. I saw this sign and was once again scandalized.

I know my ass sparks, do you really need to point it out?

Michelle then got overly excited about some gelato.

Tiramisu and whiskey flavors. Yum. Alcohol. 

Then I saw a cute building made out of gingerbread and I ate it.

Just call me Hansel.

We walked a bit further down and stumbled upon the "Dome" of Trier.

I didn't see any domes though. BUT I GUESS I'M THE CRAZY ONE.

It was a huge and beautiful cathedral.

With a lotta Jesus.

So as we continued down this amazingly historical road, we ran into "Constantine's Palace".

Two very different styles of architecture here.

In the photo above, the red building to the left used to be Constantine's throne room. It became a fort in the middle ages and is now a basilica. The building in front was a palace Napoleon added on, along with the Gay Gardens. Pictured below.

Pretty, though. Pretty gay.

We walked further down and discovered this:

A giant FOOT. I hate feet. I really really hate feet. 

This is a replica of the only remaining section of a gigantic statue of Constantine. Gross. Feet. Nearby were the remains of the old city wall,

Doesn't really do anything anymore. Just sits there. Being an old wall. 

And the ruins of the Imperial Bath House.

Doesn't look like much anymore, BUT WAIT

What was so cool about this site was that they let people explore UNDERNEATH the baths! We could walk through the labyrinth of passageways and sewers.

Stephanie, charging ahead, all happy, without a care in the world...

It was very dark, and very wet. But very cool.

...But something was waiting inside for the young, ridiculously attractive, people..

This might provide a better idea of what it was like down there:

It was great. We were exploring, minding our own business... WHEN SUDDENLY THE DARKNESS UNLEASHED A HORROR UPON HUMANITY!!!!

Michelle and I gracefully ran away

But only I made it out alive!

But I went back courageously to fight the monster and rescue Michelle and Stephanie!

I found Michelle cowering in a hole...

I was able to find Stephanie safe and alive as well. So we ran back towards daylight!

P.S. Turns out the monster was just a tour group of German middle school students.  BUT I THINK THAT'S JUST AS TERRIFYING.

Then Michelle tried to convince me she was a statue.

Something didn't seem right...

So we left the Bathhouse, and a few blocks away we found the entrance to a Roman amphitheater!

I wish I were a gladiator! Actually, no I don't. Not at all. Not one bit. Nope. 

Once inside we could climb to the edge and see the entire stadium. It was built around 200 A.D., and could fit around 20,000 people. 

Yeah, I guess that'd be a pretty good crowd to perform in front of. 

You could also go underneath and see where they kept the gladiators and wild animals before the fights.

YOU CALL THIS A GREEN ROOM!?

After all this history and exploring, we all badly needed a beer. So we went back to town and...

Oh, look! That was quick!

I chowed down on some schwieneschnitzel (sp?).

Pork cutlet in a mushroom sauce. Yum.

Then it started getting dark,

IT'S EVEN CUTER AT NIGHT WTF

So we decided to head back to K-town (Kaiserslautern), and get to bed early so we'd be well rested for TOMORROW!!! DUN DUN DUNNNNN....