The Globe-Trotting Travels of a Lovely Little Drunk: USO DMZ Tour, My Encounter with North Korea

I didn’t actually encounter North Korea. I came pretty close though. Anyway, let me start at the beginning. Pull up a chair. Get yourself a drink. You don’t mind if I finish this cigar, do you? Great. Let me tell you the story, a long time ago, on a day in September, in the twelfth year of the 21^st century….

I had to wake up at 6 am after a night of drinking. Hung over doesn’t describe it, really. It was more like RAGE. It was hot, damp, unquenchable fury. Can fury be damp? Today it can, and it was. Then once we got on the bus from the USO office to the DMZ I calmed down. Even had a photo opportunity:

Ya know just being cute lil old hung over mee

Got a cool view of Seoul, too

Pretty.

So today, my family and I were taking a half-day tour of the DMZ, the demilitarized zone that separates South Korea from North Korea. Our first stop was Imjingak, where there’s a railroad bridge (no longer in operation) that crosses the border.

Next to it was a destroyed bridge.

There was also the wooden bridge where they exchanged prisoners.

Made me sad.

And a train that was derailed when North Korea went ape shit and decided to bust it up with like a billion bullets.

Ghostly

Oh and then there was a Popeye’s

Out of place.

After that we went to the 3^rd tunnel. Basically, North Korea was building these tunnels underneath the DMZ to try to infiltrate South Korea and reunify the county under its psychotic political ideology. If these tunnels had been completed and used, North Korea could have sent at least 30,000 troops rushing towards Seoul within a matter of hours. So far four tunnels have been discovered within the past forty years. We weren’t allowed to take pictures, but we were able to go down into the 3^rd tunnel and see what the hell was going on down there. It’s deep underground, guys. Ruhl deep. It was wet, too. It was also the closest most people can get to North Korea. They’ve blockaded the tunnels and they’re under constant surveillance, in case North Korea is stupid enough to try anything. It was an interesting site though, in addition to being highly alarming and creepy.

After that we traveled to this mountain top where we could see some of North Korea. Just beyond their border is their second largest city, which boasts a depressing population of 80,000. Next to that was Propaganda Village, basically a fake town, complete with high-rises, which North Korea built to portray an appearance of prosperity. No one lives there though. The buildings are completely empty and what little electrical lights it has, have been getting dimmer.

Couldn’t take pictures here, either. Something about getting shot in the face or something.

Our last stop on the tour was Dorasan Station, one of the last train stops in South Korea before crossing the DMZ. This train used to shuttle workers and materials from SK to an industrial complex built by Hyundai in North Korea. It was constructed to promote peace and cooperation. Unfortunately, North Koreans are crazy and some NK sniper teenager killed a SK civilian. Or so they claim. It may have been a botched kidnapping. So the industrial complex is closed and this railroad station is virtually abandoned.

Only time I'm not afraid to walk on railroad tracks

It had some pretty cool signs though.

Not many times you get to see a sign like this

And then Jan risked an international incident by wanting to take a picture with a South Korean guard.

Just dont.. take his wallet.. please?

After that, we were driven back to Seoul. After we were dropped off, Greg took us to this cool shopping district where my Dad forced me to pose next to a foot.

He thought it was hilarious.

But then I got him back with this:

Now THAT'S hilarious.

So we had some great soup with beef for lunch.

Deliciously salty

After that, Greg headed back to Ulsan, and my parents and I were off to the Sheraton in Incheon.

View from my room. Not too bad, right?

So apparently, there’s a typhoon headed directly for us. It’s supposed to hit Monday morning, exactly when we were planning to fly back to the States. To avoid that potential crisis, we’ve changed our flights to tomorrow, (Sunday) night! THIS MEANS TONIGHT IS MY LAST NIGHT IN SOUTH KOREA!! To celebrate, I will be enjoying these: