The Globe-Trotting Travels of a Lovely Little Drunk: From Seoul to Ulsan

Ahhhhhh! Nothing like finally getting to your hotel, passing out from exhaustion, and waking up in a bed like this, eh? EH!?

I asked for a bed of Rosés but I suppose this will do

And with a view like this:

So many naked people...

Once we got all our crap together we headed off for Seoul Station, where we were to take the ultra fast Bullet Train from Seoul to Ulsan, which is in the southeast corner of the country. The station itself was very modern,

The inspiration for that movie, The Glass House, starring Lili Sobieskidontcare

And from it there was a great view of the city.

Full of endless liquor opportunities

Figuring out which train and which track was surprisingly easy, and there were plenty of creepily polite and attractive South Koreans who spoke English who were willing to help. The tracks kind of reminded me of the old Penn Station.

Just need a dame with great gams to wish me farewell.

Once we knew where to go, and had a handle on everything, THIS HAPPENED:

Are those suitcases on your trolley or are you just excited to see me?

Basically, this old Korean guy came up to us and indicated for me to put my suitcase on his trolley thing. Now, I'm usually very skilled and tactful when handling crazy strangers, so I said, "NOPE, BYE" and started to walk away. He stopped me and INSISTED I put my suitcase on his trolley (heh heh People should know to buy me a drink first before I do that). I tried to explain in every language I knew that we were fine. He didn't understand. Then another man, definitely an employee of the station, came over to help translate. Unfortunately, he only knew Korean. .... They both kept insisting we put our luggage on his trolley. So finally, we just gave up and did so. So as we kept an eye on him, this little old man, who was a few inches shorter than BRUCE, packed on our luggage, brought it down the elevator to the track, brought us to the specific TRAIN CAR, and then WAITED with us for 45 minutes until the train arrived. Once it did, he LOADED the baggage onto the train, assisted us in finding our seats, then brought us water bottles and sleeping masks. We felt SO guilty for mistrusting him that both my Dad and I tipped him considerably, and this happy little old Korean man smiled, graciously accepted the money, and went on his way.... WHATTHEHELLWHOARETHESEPEOPLE

I think he wanted to come with us.

So once we got on the train and departed, we were off to Ulsan to see Greg!

And in first class!

The ride was only about two hours, and the train was so smooth you could barely tell you were moving at all. Way better than the dinky MetroNorth. Yeesh what a joke.

"Metro-who? Please, I could eat that train for BREAKFAST"

Along the way we passed many farms, villages, and picturesque mountains and valleys. I had no idea how beautiful this country was. The terrain was bright green, and the mountains in the distance had an almost eerie serenity to them.

Only problem? THERE WAS NO BOOZE ON THIS #$(*&#$(#*& TRAIN!! Whatever. It's fine.

At least I can look at some trees...

So we got to Ulsan,

For me??? A whole city of 1 million is MINE?? EXCELLENT BWAHAHA

Took a taxi to the Lotte Hotel in the center of the city, and looked out to see how MASSIVE Ulsan was.

Best gift I've ever gotten..

We explored the area a bit, met up with Greg, and went out for some classic Korean barbecue. WHERE WE BARBECUED BACON OMNOMNOMNOMNOM.

AND THERE WAS BOOZE

We got MORE drinks after dinner (which is the Korean custom, all you judgers out there).

I was so drunk I forgot to scowl at the cuteness of this picture.

I was staying the night at Greg's apartment, so he and I took a taxi there and went to ANOTHER bar. It wouldn't have been appropriate to take pictures methinks, but imagine a seedy, smokey establishment with very attractive women being VERY attentive to their customers. I spoke to one lady for a while in Japanese. She was nice her name was Yum. It was also Yum's birthday so we had a kiwi cake.. sort of.. thing. I had two scotches on the rocks and a tequila shot. And they were delicious. Then we went back and I passed out on the couch. It was a good day.

As a bonus, here's some funny signs: